Break-ups suck. Anyone who tries to sugar coat that is straight up lying to you, because I know for a fact that break-ups are the devil’s way of trying to destroy us all.
Unless your heart is made from some kind of hard metal and you lack any emotional awareness whatsoever, you probably already know this.
I know I’ve certainly learned it the hard way. But from tough times comes insight and goodness – the good of which in this case is this charming (and hopefully helpful) blog post.
Through the demise of my own relationships and after coaching several friends through break-ups (both messy and mutual, expected and completely out of the blue), I’ve figured out what kind of works in the days, weeks and months that follow.
And also what does not help. At all. (Like not even a little).
So without further ado, here’s my top ten ways to survive a break-up.
It sounds obvious but so often we want to move on quickly or appear strong to others that we don’t allow ourselves to actually be emotional. Never underestimate the power of a good cry, my friends. Unless you let it all out, it’ll bottle up inside of you and you’ll probably explode. That’s just science*. If you’re having trouble really letting out the emotions, pop a sad movie on (Lion is a great option for a deeply emotional experience) and let it allllll out.
Talk to your friends
If you’re anything like me, you might not have spent as much time with these gems as you would have liked to when you were in your relationship but these babies have your back when everything falls apart. That’s their job. Lean on your besties, text them, call them, allow them to feed you tea and chocolate and buy you tissues. No doubt you’ll have a chance to return the favour in the future.
Do not text your ex
It’s not a good idea. Ever. Never. Never ever ever. Even if there’s a fire. Honestly, delete their number if you have to. A conversation with your ex (even a few friendly texts) may be enough to undo months of hard work.
Eat a lot of chocolate
Sugar is good for sadness. At least I’m pretty sure.
Break-ups can be horrendous and that pain has a way of lingering. Be sure to remind yourself that it will fade and appreciate the fact that every single day you feel a little bit more like yourself.
Understand that you’re going through a grieving process
You’ve lost a huge part of your life and that’s not going to go away overnight. You need to learn to be yourself again and you have to retrain your entire being – you are now one again, not two. That takes time. It also comes in waves and with those waves come a buttload of emotions. If you haven’t felt angry, sad, relieved, depressed, empty and finally accepted your fate, have you even really broken up?
Download all round life-wizard Zoey Foster Blake’s Breakup Boss app. Search for inspirational quotes online and set them as your background on your phone. They might be enough to remind you that you’ve got this. Which brings me to my next tip :
Do not, under any circumstances, post your break-up all over social media
Honestly just don’t. It’s not a good look and it really doesn’t help anyone in the long run.
Remove all obvious reminders of your ex
Maybe you have photos framed in your room or their clothes at your place or perhaps they’re still in your profile pic on Facebook. Remove the evidence. I’m not saying you have to delete it or toss the memories in the bin right away, but hide them under your bed or put them in a box at the back of your wardrobe at least. Once the initial pain is gone it’ll be much easier to think clearly about whether you want to keep those photos and gifts for nostalgic purposes.
Remind yourself that you’re doing okay
Before you know it, it’s been 24 hours. Then a week. Next thing you know you’re a year down the track. You are strong enough to deal with a break-up and as cliché as it sounds, it is an incredibly character building experience. But it’s tough. And sometimes you need to sit down and have a good cry. As long as you remember to pick yourself back up and pat yourself on the back – you’re alive, you’re okay and you’re getting through it. Isn’t that worth celebrating?